The Final Test - You're Almost There!

Have you ever been to that place where you cannot be bothered anymore? You're doing so much and yet it seems like nothing works.

I am writing this blog nearly blind. My eyes are so full and overflowing with tears, so much so that everything I see is blurry.

Why must it be like this? Why must we suffer? Whilst it may be true that I already know the answer to the questions I am asking, right now I cannot find these answers.

It's just too much. When I think of the life I had growing up and the struggles I am faced with now, it breaks my heart.  I want to quit so bad, it all feels too much for just one person.

I feel like I would just flip my humanity and just stop caring about everything. 

But why do I still have to teach when I'm broken?! Why don't I get a break? 

Have you ever been so broken that you can't breathe?

The last thing I wanted to do was to write a blog. I just could not sleep and I did not understand why. I found myself sitting on my bed, saying nothing, doing nothing and before I knew it, I started balling my eyes out and then I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to write.

At this point in my life, I feel no ounce of hope. It feels like better is never coming. This must be how the children of Israel felt when they were in bondage. Hopeless.

I cannot help but think that I want my children to be born in the promise land. I want my children to live in abundance but these emotions.

These emotions.

It was just the other day that the Lord taught me something incredible about David and just now the Holy Spirit allowed me to see what He was showing me from a different perspective.

Before David got his breakthrough, he too balled his eyes out. He was mourning the death of his mentor and his friend. He was overcome with emotions. The longer he mourned, the longer it would take him to become king. David already had his answers but emotions often prevent you from hearing God clearly. He already knew what he needed to do but he first had to calm himself. 

 Ye daughters of Israel, weep over Saul, who clothed you in scarlet, with other delights, who put on ornaments of gold upon your apparel. ²⁵ How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! O Jonathan, thou wast slain in thine high places. ²⁶ I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.

²⁷ How are the mighty fallen, and the weapons of war perished! 2 Samuel 1:24-27

And it came to pass after this, that David enquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up into any of the cities of Judah? And the LORD said unto him, Go up. And David said, Whither shall I go up? And he said, Unto Hebron. 2 Samuel 2:1

So David went up thither, and his two wives also, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail Nabal's wife the Carmelite. ³ And his men that were with him did David bring up, every man with his household: and they dwelt in the cities of Hebron. ⁴ And the men of Judah came, and there they anointed David king over the house of Judah. 2 Samuel 2:2-4 

Sometimes we have to mourn the life we are leaving behind because it can have no part in our future. This includes our childhood, the people, the places, the decisions.

Sometimes we have to mourn our old ways of thinking because it is not of God. Sometimes we hold the answers to the questions that we ask, but because of emotions we can't seem to locate these answers. During times like these, a time like I am in now, the soul has power over the spirit.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41

That is when we fail to recognize what God is doing or saying in a moment because we are too blind to see the bigger picture; the things that are happening behind the scenes. 

You do not have to go to your future blind. You will fail to hear or see what God is showing you when you allow emotions to take you over. 

Learn to control your emotions. It takes time. The future king of Israel took time to mourn the late king of Israel. Just remember, David would never be king as long as Saul was alive. Saul had to die! Jonathan had to die! and everyone else that would inherit or fight for the throne had to die!

David got attached to Saul and Jonathan but they were not meant to journey with him into his promise land but David did not know that until they died.

He and Jonathan loved each other and the last thing that God had to teach David before he got his breakthrough, was how to let go. David did not just mourn Saul and Jonathan, he also mourned his past. 

Please notice that his mourning had to come to an end before he stepped into his new beginning. The Bible says "And it came to pass after this..."

We too have time to mourn. We have to let self die daily. Whatever God is telling you to let go of, LET IT GO!

It is causing your delay.

Letting go is hard. I know this. Forgiving is hard, especially when the people who hurt you never ask for forgiveness.

This blog is very prophetic. I never start writing any of these blogs knowing what to write but when I start writing, the Holy Spirit takes over. Talk about a step of faith!

God wants us to trust Him in the process. We won't know everything about our journey, but trust that He will never fail you.

The reason people hesitate to do things is lack of knowing if something is from God or not. That is a sign that you need to work on feeding your spirit more. Study the Word and engage in intimacy with God. That helps to build your discernment.

I never knew why I was crying a few minutes ago. I never knew that I needed to mourn a part of me. There are so many of us adults who are still struggling because of things we may have been through and currently are because we are still living in that place, among those people that caused us hurt. 

This is your push. It's getting harder because you're getting closer! Let go of your childhood trauma, your past mistakes, past hurt, past failures. You have to let them go to be able to talk about them without crying. God wants to use your story but you first have to become unattached!

This is your final test. I pray you pass in Jesus' name. Amen.